渴望你的爱(Hungry for Your Love)

详细内容

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itiscold,sobittercold,onthisdark,winterdayin1942.butitisnodifferentfromanyotherdayinthisnaziconcentrationcamp.istandshiveringinmythinrags,stillindisbeliefthatthisnightmareishappening.iamjustayoungboy.ishouldbeplayingwithfriends;ishouldbegoingtoschool;ishouldbelookingforwardtoafuture,togrowingupandmarrying,andhavingafamilyofmyown.butthosedreamsarefortheliving,andiamnolongeroneofthem.instead,iamalmostdead,survivingfromdaytoday,fromhourtohour,eversinceiwastakenfrommyhomeandbroughtherewithtensofthousandsotherjews.willistillbealivetomorrow?willibetakentothegaschambertonight?

backandforthiwalknexttothebarbedwirefence,tryingtokeepmyemaciatedbodywarm.iamhungry,butihavebeenhungryforlongerthaniwanttoremember.iamalwayshungry.ediblefoodseemslikeadream.eachdayasmoreofusdisappear,thehappypastseemslikeameredream,andisinkdeeperanddeeperintodespair.suddenly,inoticeayounggirlwalkingpastontheothersideofthebarbedwire.shestopsandlooksatmewithsadeyes,eyesthatseemtosaythatsheunderstands,thatshe,too,cannotfathomwhyiamhere.iwanttolookaway,oddlyashamedforthisstrangertoseemelikethis,buticannottearmyeyesfromhers.

thenshereachesintoherpocket,andpullsoutaredapple.abeautiful,shinyredapple.oh,howlonghasitbeensinceihaveseenone!shelookscautiouslytotheleftandtotheright,andthenwithasmileoftriumph,quicklythrowstheappleoverthefence.iruntopickitup,holdingitinmytrembling,frozenfingers.inmyworldofdeath,thisappleisanexpressionoflife,oflove.iglanceupintimetoseethegirldisappearingintothedistance.thenextday,icannothelpmyself-iamdrawnatthesametimetothatspotnearthefence.amicrazyforhopingshewilleagain?ofcourse.butinhere,iclingtoanytinyscrapofhope.shehasgivenmehopeandimustholdtightlytoit.andagain,shees.andagain,shebringsmeanapple,flingingitoverthefencewiththatsamesweetsmile.thistimeicatchit,andholditupforhertosee.hereyestwinkle.doesshepityme?perhaps.idonotcare,though.iamjustsohappytogazeather.andforthefirsttimeinsolong,ifeelmyheartmovewithemotion.

forsevenmonths,wemeetlikethis.sometimesweexchangeafewwords.sometimes,justanapple.butsheisfeedingmorethanmybelly,thisangelfromheaven.sheisfeedingmysoul.andsomehow,iknowiamfeedinghersaswell.oneday,ihearfrighteningnews:wearebeingshippedtoanothercamp.thiscouldmeantheendforme.anditdefinitelymeanstheendformeandmyfriend.thenextdaywhenigreether,myheartisbreaking,andicanbarelyspeakasisaywhatmustbesaid:"donotbringmeanappletomorrow,"itellher."iambeingsenttoanothercamp.wewillneverseeeachotheragain."turningbeforeiloseallcontrol,irunawayfromthefence.icannotbeartolookback.ifidid,iknowshewouldseemestandingthere,withtearsstreamingdownmyface.monthspassandthenightmarecontinues.butthememoryofthisgirlsustainsmethroughtheterror,thepain,thehopelessness.overandoverinmymind,iseeherface,herkindeyes,ihearhergentlewords,itastethoseapples.

andthenoneday,justlikethat,thenightmareisover.thewarhasended.thoseofuswhoarestillalivearefreed.ihavelosteverythingthatwasprecioustome,includingmyfamily.butistillhavethememoryofthisgirl,amemoryicarryinmyheartandgivesmethewilltogoonasimovetoamericatostartanewlife.yearspass.itis1957.iamlivinginnewyorkcity.afriendconvincesmetogoonablinddatewithaladyfriendofhis.reluctantly,iagree.butsheisnice,thiswomannamedroma.andlikeme,sheisanimmigrant,sowehaveatleastthatinmon."wherewereyouduringthewar?"romaasksmegently,inthatdelicatewayimmigrantsaskoneanotherquestionsthoseyears."iwasinaconcentrationcampingermany,"ireply.romagetsafarawaylookinhereyes,asifsheisrememberingsomethingpainfulyetsweet."whatisit?"iask.

"iamjustthinkingsomethingfrommypast,herman,"romaexplainsinavoicesuddenlyverysoft."yousee,wheniwasayounggirl,ilivednearaconcentrationcamp.therewasaboythere,aprisoner,andforalongwhile,iusedtovisithimeveryday.irememberiusedtobringhimapples.iwouldthrowtheappleoverthefence,andhewouldbesohappy."

romasighsheavilyandcontinues."itishardtodescribehowwefelteachother-afterall,wewereyoung,andweonlyexchangedafewwordswhenwecould-buticantellyou,therewasmuchlovethere.iassumehewaskilledlikesomanyothers.buticannotbeartothinkthat,andsoitrytorememberhimashewasforthosemonthsweweregiventogether."

withmyheartpoundingsoloudlyithinkitwil1explode,ilookdirectlyatromaandask,"anddidthatboysaytoyouoneday,'donotbringmeanappletomorrow.iambeingsenttoanothercamp'?""why,yes,"romaresponds,hervoicetrembling."but,herman,howonearthcouldyoupossiblyknowthat?"itakeherhandsinmineandanswer,"becauseiwasthatyoungboy,roma."formanymoments,thereisonlysilence.wecannottakeoureyesfromeachother,andastheveilsoftimelift,werecognizethesoulbehindtheeyes,thedearfriendweoncelovedsomuch,whomwehaveneverstoppedloving,whomwehaveneverstoppedremembering.

finally,ispeak:"look,roma,iwasseparatedfromyouonce,andidon'teverwanttobeseparatedfromyouagain.now,iamfree,andiwanttobetogetherwithyouforever.dear,willyoumarryme?"

iseethatsametwinkleinhereyethatiusedtoseeasromasays,"yes,iwillmarryyou,"andweembrace,theembracewelongedtoshareforsomanymonths,butbarbedwirecamebetweenus.now,nothingeverwillagain.

almostfortyyearshavepassedsincethatdaywhenifoundmyromaagain.destinybroughtustogetherthefirsttimeduringthewartoshowmeapromiseofhopeandnowithadreunitedustofulfillthatpromise.

valentine'sday,1996.ibringromatotheoprahwinfreyshowtohonorheronnationaltelevision.iwanttotellherinfrontofmillionsofpeoplewhatifeelinmyhearteveryday:

"darling,youfedmeintheconcentrationcampwheniwashungry.andiamstillhungry,forsomethingiwillnevergetenoughof:iamonlyhungryforyourlove."