Hold Your Head up High

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Iwasfifteenmonthsold,ahappycarefreekid...untilthedayIfell.Itwasabadfall.Ilandedonaglassrabbitwhichcutmyeyebadlyenoughtoblindit.Tryingtosavetheeye,thedoctorsstitchedtheeyeballtogetherwhereitwascut,leavingabiguglyscarinthemiddleofmyeye.Theattemptfailed,butmymama,inallofherwisdom,foundadoctorwhoknewthatiftheeyewereremovedentirely,myfacewouldgrowupbadlydistorted,somyscarred,sightless,cloudyandgrayeyelivedonwithme.AndasIgrew,thissightlesseyeinsomanywayscontrolledme.

Iwalkedwithmyfacelookingatthefloorsopeoplewouldnotseetheuglyme.Sometimespeople,evenstrangers,askedmeembarrassingquestionsormadehurtfulremarks.Whenthekidsplayedgames,Iwasalwaysthe"monster."Igrewupimaginingthateveryonelookedatmewithdisdain,asifmyappearanceweremyfault.IalwaysfeltlikeIwasafreak.

YetMamawouldsaytome,ateveryturn,"Holdyourheaduphighandfacetheworld."ItbecamealitanythatIreliedon.ShehadstartedwhenIwasyoung.Shewouldholdmeinherarmsandstrokemyhairandsay,"Ifyouholdyourheaduphigh,itwillbeokay,andpeoplewillseeyourbeautifulsoul."ShecontinuedthismessagewheneverIwantedtohide.

Thosewordshavemeantdifferentthingstomeovertheyears.Asalittlechild,IthoughtMamameant,"Becarefuloryouwillfalldownorbumpintosomethingbecauseyouarenotlooking."Asanadolescent,eventhoughItendedtolookdowntohidemyshame,IfoundthatsometimeswhenIheldmyheaduphighandletpeopleknowme,theylikedme.Mymama'swordshelpedmebegintorealizethatbylettingpeoplelookatmyface,Iletthemrecognizetheintelligenceandbeautybehindbotheyeseveniftheycouldn'tseeitonthesurface.

InhighschoolIwassuessfulbothacademicallyandsocially.Iwasevenelectedclasspresident,butontheinsideIstillfeltlikeafreak.AllIreallywantedwastolooklikeeveryoneelse.Whenthingsgotreallybad,Iwouldcrytomymamaandshewouldlookatmewithlovingeyesandsay,"Holdyourheaduphighandfacetheworld.Letthemseethebeautythatisinside."

WhenImetthemanwhobecamemypartnerforlife,welookedeachotherstraightintheeye,andhetoldmeIwasbeautifulinsideandout.Hemeantit.Mymama'sloveandencouragementwerethesparkthatgavemetheconfidencetooveremyowndoubt.Ihadfacedadversity,encounteredmyproblemsheadon,andlearnednotonlytoappreciatemyselfbuttohavedeeppassionforothers.

"Holdyourheaduphigh,"hasbeenheardmanytimesinmyhome.Eachofmychildrenhasfeltitsinvitation.Thegiftmymamagavemelivesoninanothergeneration.