汉诺威广场(Hanover Square)

详细内容

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canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatifirstsawyou?

itistrulyalifetime,iknow.butasigazeintoyoureyesnow,itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatifirstsawyou,inthatsmallcaféinhanoversquare.

fromthemomentisawyousmile,asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby.iknew.iknewthatiwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou.

istillthinkofhowfoolishimusthavelooked,asigazedatyou,thatfirsttime.irememberwatchingyouintently,asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers.ifeltmyselfbeingimmersedinyoureverydetail,asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea,gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips.fromthatmoment,everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome.thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur.allicouldseewasyou.

allthroughmylifeihaverelivedthatveryfirstday.many,manytimesihavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday,andhowforafewfleetingmomentsiamthere,feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime.itpleasesmethaticanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears,andiknowiwillalwayshavethemtofortme.

notevenasishookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches,didifetyourface.iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud,terrified,asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme.iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart,andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet.iwouldcryoutinfear,asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme.but,asithoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme,everythingaroundmewouldbebeesilent,andiwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments,farfromthedeathanddestruction.itwouldnotbeuntiliopenedmyeyesonceagain,thatiwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme.

icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen,whenireturnedtoyouonleaveintheseptember,feelingbattered,bruisedandfragile.weheldeachothersotightithoughtwewouldburst.iaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandiwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid"yes"tobeingmybride.

i'mlookingatourweddingphotonow,theoneonourdressingtable,nexttoyourjewellerybox.ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen.irememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeacheshirecat,whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeilookedinmyuniform.thephotoisoldandfadednow,butwhenilookatit,ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth.icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou,withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls.ificoncentratehardenough,icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoproudlyforeveryoosee.

irememberbeingsooverenjoyed,whenayearlater,yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily.iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow,waiting.doyourememberhowipanickedlikeamadmanwhenjonathonwasborn?icanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow,asiclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms.iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears,asistaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy.

sarahandtomarrivedthismorningwithlittletessie.canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?ican'tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth.iamtryingnottocry,mylove,asitellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes,sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet.shehasherhaircutshortnow,justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago.whenimetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove,justlikeyoursusedtodo,mydarling.

iknowyouaretired,mydear,andimustletyougo.butiloveyousomuchithurtstodoso.aswegrewoldtogether,iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet.butitistrue,mydarling.idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee.whenilookatyounow,ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesatandhadoutfirstpiiexttothatsmallstream,andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree.irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever.doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere?

imustgonow,mydarling.ourchildrenarewaitingoutside.theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou.iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor,sothaticankneelbesideyou.ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime.

sleeppeacefullymydear.

iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme,butpleasedon'tworry.iamcontent,knowingiwillbewithyousoon.iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou.

iknowitwon'tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinhanoversquare.

goodbye,mydarlingwife.